Young children are still learning how to communicate, manage emotions, solve problems, and control their impulses. Behavior can give teachers important information about what a child may be experiencing. Looking beyond the behavior helps teachers respond to the need while also teaching a more appropriate way to communicate.
Look for the Message
Instead of asking only, “How do I stop this behavior?”, try asking:
- What happened right before the behavior?
- What was the child trying to get, avoid, or communicate?
- Was the child tired, hungry, overwhelmed, or frustrated?
- Was the activity too difficult or too easy?
- Did the child have the words or skills needed for the situation?
- Does this behavior happen at a particular time of day or during certain activities?
- What usually helps this child calm down or re-engage?
What the Behavior Might Be Communicating
Hitting or pushing: “I don't know how to get a turn,” “I'm frustrated,” or “I need space.”
Crying or screaming: “This is too much,” “I don't know what to do,” or “I need help.”
Refusing to participate: “This feels difficult,” “I'm not ready,” or “I want some control.”
Running away: “I need a break,” “I don't understand what is happening,” or “This environment feels overwhelming.”
Grabbing toys: “I want that,” “I don't know how to ask,” or “Waiting is hard.”
The behavior does not excuse unsafe actions. Teachers still need to set clear limits and keep children safe. But understanding the possible message can help teachers choose a response that teaches rather than simply punishes.
Try This
When a challenging behavior happens, pause before reacting and think:
“What is the child communicating, and what skill do they need me to teach?”
Then respond with a clear limit and a replacement skill.
For example:
“I won't let you hit. You wanted the truck. You can say, ‘Can I have a turn?’ Let's practice.”
The goal is not just to stop the behavior in the moment. It is to help the child learn what to do next time.