Families know their children in ways teachers cannot, while teachers see children in a group setting with different expectations and routines. Both perspectives are valuable. When teachers approach behavior conversations with curiosity instead of blame, families are more likely to feel like partners.
Start With What You Know About the Child
Begin with something genuine and positive.
“Mateo is very caring with his friends and loves helping during cleanup.”
Then describe the concern using specific observations, rather than labels.
Instead of:
“Mateo has been very aggressive.”
Try:
“Over the past three days, I've noticed that Mateo has pushed other children when they take a toy he is using.”
Share What You Have Observed
Explain:
- What happened
- When it tends to happen
- What happens before the behavior
- How adults responded
- What strategies have helped
Avoid making assumptions about why the behavior is happening.
Invite the Family's Perspective
Ask questions such as:
- “Do you see anything similar at home?”
- “What usually helps when he gets frustrated?”
- “Are there words or strategies that work well for him?”
- “Have you noticed anything that seems to make these moments easier or harder?”
- “Is there anything you think would be helpful for us to know?”
Then listen.
The goal isn't to prove that the behavior happens. The goal is to understand the child better.
Make a Small Plan Together
Choose one or two strategies that both the teacher and family can try.
For example:
At school: We will remind Mateo to ask for a turn and help him practice the words before play begins.
At home: The family will practice “Can I have a turn?” during play.
Follow-up: We will check in next week and talk about what we are noticing.
The conversation should communicate:
“We care about your child, we want to understand what is happening, and we want to work with you.”
Families do not need a teacher to have every answer. They need to know that the teacher is willing to listen, communicate, and work alongside them.